My Year of Bragging

A guest post from the hilarious and brave Alice Stanley Jr., who set a New Year's Resolution to brag 365 times in 2023.

Hi there!

Today I’m thrilled to share an essay by my friend Alice Stanley Jr., who is a funny and lovely human being. (She is the Alice referenced in this post, too.)

In 2023, Alice decided to brag more. When I heard about the impacts of her experiment, I knew I wanted to share it on Little Things, and luckily, Alice agreed to write a post for us! The result is a wonderful piece about building confidence and surviving the lulls of creative careers.

Alice’s credits include writing for Amy Poehler’s podcast Say More, and for Busy Philipps’ talk show Busy Tonight. This fall her play The Second Best School Shooting, executive produced by Adam McKay, sold out a workshop run at The Elysian Theater in LA. You can stalk her on Instagram here.

Without further ado: Here is Alice’s story about bravely, and eventually shamelessly, bragging.

Enjoy!

So I totally bungled my first-ever general meeting by being “humble.” As soon as I sat down with the exec, she complimented my pilot, and I negged her. “Pfft, the script is fine. I doubt anyone would buy it.” In hindsight, not only was my response such bad business, but it was also incredibly rude! This gal took the time to read and meet about my work, and I basically spat in her La Croix. Like?! Do I hate opportunities? I chalk up this misfire, and hundreds like it, to a severe aversion to bragging.

In 2022, I was sort of killing it? I had multiple dream projects in development, a movie in pre-production, and sold a TV show. And yet when potential producers or even friends asked what I was working on, I’d skirt the question or give my go-to mumble: “Oh just writing my little things.”

I knew I was being awkward and vague, but I figured eventually one of my projects would materialize, and then it could speak for itself. Unfortunately, by the end of the year, everything had stalled or fallen apart. I’d spent hundreds of hours on fancy projects that never paid, and I didn’t even get consolation bragging rights because I had never even bragged.

I so wish I could rely on my work to speak for itself, but almost no labor does. It’s why employers require interviews, resumes, and references. I used to think artistic endeavors should be different, but in a way, it’s even more important to provide context for ourselves as artists because art is so subjective. Say a producer does happen to randomly find and love my script. They have to gamble—possibly millions—on their own subjective taste. However! If that producer knows my positive track record (because I’ve told them), the odds seem less terrifying. A year ago, I knew this, but I was still struggling to actually change my brag habits.

I asked one of my exec friends, who has done hundreds of generals, for advice. How do I come off as confident without bragging? Her answer was simple: Sharing what’s true isn’t bragging—it’s factual, pertinent information. Of course, her perspective made (annoying!) perfect sense. Just tell my truth! It’s that easy! And yet. In practice, even thinking about actually telling said truth made me want to eat a razor blade sundae.

So I made the bonkers resolution to brag 365 times in 2023. I started a note in my phone labeled “BRAGS.” I was scared! But determined!

On January 3rd I ran into a comedy acquaintance at a cafe. He asked what I’d been up to. I said, “Writing.” He nodded. Then, I thought of my resolution, cleared my throat, and added, “Actually, I’m writing a Barbie animated series.” I gave a strained, embarrassed smile, but my pal just said, “Oh cool!” I’d done it! I’d bragged! And I survived! After we parted ways, I opened my phone note and typed “Jan 3 — Kevin H, Barbie.”

The next day I emailed my manager an outline and a brag. Added it to the list. The next day I ran into an actor friend on the street. She asked what happened with a recent feature of mine. My instinct was to be negative. The feature hadn't sold. But instead, I positively shared what writing the script had led me to do next. Added it to the list. My experiment went on like this.

In March I felt like I was bragging constantly. Frankly, I wasn’t feeling better at it, despite having around fifty brags under my belt. But I kept pressing on, building the brag muscle. And by summer, the brags did start coming easier! Questions about my art no longer froze me because I had locked and stocked answers from bragging so dang much. More importantly, I was still uncomfortable at times, but I was familiar with the discomfort. So I knew it would pass. Looking back on my boastful year, it’s clear the resolution was tremendously impactful.

Professionally, it’s obnoxious how much my brags harvested this year. I’ll give a few examples.

• The sleepy exec who suddenly livened up and pitched me a bunch of ideas, only after I mentioned I was pitching to HBO the following week. Yes, it’s soul-sucking that people in this demonic industry treat you differently when you have artistic clout, but they do. And they don’t know you do unless you tell them.

• The time my boss asked what was new, so I took the opportunity to brag about my play workshop going up. The following week, while we were working with a prominent theatre actor, my boss bragged on my behalf! The actor was so intrigued she asked for an invite to the show.

• I had a “big name” producer on a play workshop (brag!). When I sent out invites, you bet I included that brag right in the subject line of the email! 2022 Alice would never! …And I bet 2022 Alice would have gotten way fewer RSVPs! I was proud of the show—so why was it my first impulse to act ashamed? (Possible guess: patriarchy! But that’s another essay.)

To be fair, I did biff a few brags. I tried not to overthink my resolution—it was about owning, not questioning, my confidence. However, I did note when a brag wasn’t appropriate. Like when I emailed a friend congrats on his newest episode of TV, and then, out of habit from my resolution, I tacked on one of my recent successes too. If I could do it again, I’d let my pal have his moment. Then I made the same poor brag call with a different friend later in the year. Once, I came on too strong with a prospective producer. But, hey, three dud brags to improve my self-esteem forever? Not so bad.

I hate to tell you this! But bragging was not just fruitful for my professional life, it did wonders in my personal life too.

A brag-adjacent moment haunts me from 2019. A comedy friend approached me at a party, rolled his eyes, and growled, “According to Instagram you’re always doing sOmEtHiNG CoOl.” Honestly, all my recent posts had been about my TV show being canceled? So pretty questionable assessment? Regardless, I took the hint. I’d thought this person was my friend, but, man, he was not happy for me! I went home with a valuable lesson: no one wants to hear about your wins, not even your friends.

Now, after my brag year, it’s so clear I got the wrong message from that interaction. It’s not that my friends don’t want me to brag, it’s that people who don’t want me to brag are probably not my friends. In fact, when Deadline published a press release about the podcast I work on with Amy Poehler (brag!), a close friend texted me, “I’m trying to not be offended I learned about this from social media.”

I’ve gotten so much closer to my real friends by being candid with them about my wins and losses. I also found if I opened up about positive news, others felt encouraged to do the same. I have a super special tip for this. Just ask, “Can I brag?” The question relieves the weird energy of trying to casually offer exciting news. And it creates space for whoever you’re with to brag alongside you.

Another huge takeaway: you don’t have to only brag about what’s universally impressive. You’re allowed to brag about what you’re proud of. I mean, in a business meeting, maybe get to business bragging. But when a bud asks what you’ve been up to? Any brag will do. I have a new short story idea! I wrote my first poem in years! I’m getting enough sleep! I’ve been walking every day! I am learning to step outside my comfort zone in adult gymnastics class, which is strangely pushing me to be more fearless in my pitches! Even when life royally blows, there’s always a tiny brag somewhere. Setting it in the sun helps it grow.

Finally, wow, bragging uplifted my inner artist this year. Enduring the endless rejection of writing is difficult enough. I don’t also need to hide the glimmers of success I do achieve. Not in this economy! This experiment taught me my ego is not going to get too big. If anything, without the occasional emotional boost of a joyous little brag, my artistic confidence is more likely in danger of vanishing. Turns out your brain and heart listen when you talk about yourself. And if you say you’re worthy of bragging enough times, they believe you are. I believe I am. 

Obviously, I still struggle. Writing this article is kinda the final boss battle of my resolution. God, is this entire thing an insufferable brag? I’m currently wondering. But then I have to ask, so what if it is? As of Dec 31st, I bragged 525 times in 2023. I far exceeded my goal (BRAG)!

Ali here again! How great is Alice? Here are a few things I’m loving this week:

• Any writer interested in getting published online should subscribe to Amber Petty’s newsletter — which is a weekly list of freelance writing opportunities. Now only that, but Amber offers an array of amazing classes! If you want to start a newsletter (or grow the one you have), check out her upcoming free(!) workshop: Your Newsletter Won't Make Money...And Why You Should Start One Anyway! I took it last year, and it was so helpful and great.

• The new Mr. & Mrs. Smith is on Amazon now and getting rave reviews. Here is a profile of Maya Eskrine that I enjoyed.

• Applications for the 2024-25 Native American Artist Lab are open, if this applies to you. The deadline is Monday, March 11th, 2024.

• This Minestrone — aka, longevity soup! — is a weekly staple for me through the rainy LA winter. It’s so good, and is easily adjustable to your taste or dietary needs.

• This on repeat…

Have a wonderful week, and please, share your brags!

Thank you for reading! Here’s how you can say hello:

• Email me at aliv@substack.com

• Follow me on Instagram

• Follow my writing & retreat center