Can Home Ever Feel As Good As Traveling Does?
Hello from Mexico City, where I'm thinking about how to live my life more fully.
It’s been a couple weeks since I’ve posted, because I’ve been swamped with retreat planning, wedding planning, and traveling. When I left LA I was stressed and exhausted. My depression and anxiety were stopping by for a big ol’ hello!
My first three days in Mexico City brought me back to life. This is ironic, because I’m writing this while my friend Rose has horrific food poisoning, and I have mild version of it. I’ve spent my day running to pharmacies to get her prescriptions, holding her hair back while she vomits, and playing with her adorable dog Chili while also being sick myself. But not even a couple rotten days at the end of my trip can detract from the magical week it’s been in Mexico.
Exploring this city has made me feel alive, rejuvenated, and most importantly reminded me what I value in life.
When I stay in LA for too long, I suddenly start wondering if I’m cool and successful enough, when I’ll be able to afford a house, and whether or not I should get Botox. I can start to feel like I’m not enough and that I don’t have enough. I know I have enough, I know I am enough, yet I sometimes I cannot feel it. And there is such a difference between feeling and knowing.
This week, I have felt it. I remember what abundance actually means, instead of what your brain convinces you it means after you scroll on Instagram for an hour.
It is so refreshing to break free of my routine. I’m clearly on the high of traveling, but here’s how I feel right now: I am magic, you are magic, life is fucking magic, and I want to be as effective in cultivating this magic and abundance back home as when I’m traveling.
Here is where I’m going to start:
1. Accept that there is no right decision!
I can result to over-thinking and people pleasing tendencies when making plans. Overthinking, of course, leads to indecision. I can get so wrapped up in what the right decision is. What choice will lead to more happiness? What if I make the wrong choice, and it ruins my one precious life on earth, which could all be avoided if I made a different choice!?!
Here is, very humbly, an amazing story about one of my adventures this week:
On Friday I was planning to wake up first thing and head to the Museum of Anthropology. But when Rose asked if I wanted to grab a coffee and walk Chili, I said sure, why not? She’d been working during the day while I explored the city, so we hadn’t gotten to hang out that much. An hour later we stopped for a juice and I started to get anxious I was supposed to be at the museum already! This is going to mess up my whole day! I won’t be able to make it to my lunch reservation, and I won’t have time to walk around Roma. Why didn’t I stick to my plan?
Because of my morning, I got to the restaurant I was intending to eat at an hour late. (I spent four hours at the museum because it is STUNNING).
By the time I got to the restaurant, I had to wait another hour to get a seat, so I explored the Roma Norte neighborhood (which I’d planned to do after eating), and then eventually grabbed a seat the bar. I didn’t like the seat I got, so I moved to one with a better view.
A man sat down across from me, also eating alone. We hit it off, ordered the same Tuna Tostada dish, and started chatting about our lives. It turned out he’s the bassist for Interpol, a band I loved in High School. They were on tour in Mexico City, where they are hugely famous. He was a super nice and interesting guy who I’d be stoked to have lunch with even he didn’t have a cool job. But, he did, and we ate about 50 pounds of fish together, and he offered me tickets to his band’s concert the next day.
Had I followed my initial plan instead of following my instinct of what felt right that morning, I never would have met Brad, and never would have gotten to see Interpol in Mexico City at a packed 20,000 person venue, which was one of the coolest concert experiences I’ve ever had. Yes, I’m still pinching myself that this story is real. No, I don’t have COVID! Just a cold and an angry digestive system.
Sometimes changing your plans does not lead to a truly incredible series of events, but I want to remember that following your instincts, and doing what you actually want to do, almost always leads to a surprising and delightful result. Letting go of my thoughts and following my whims has proved to be smart decision making again and again and again (more on decision making in the last section!)
Had I gone straight to the museum, I have no idea what would’ve happened. Maybe I would’ve met Beyoncé. Or maybe I would’ve gotten hit by a bus. In this lifetime, I’ll never know. But I’m content with the reality I created for myself by saying yes to my instincts in the moment.
2. More New Friends.
My friend Rose is a chatterbox and so am I, if you couldn’t tell from the above story. Rose met an amazing Chilean couple at the dog park, and at a pizza place, she befriended a badass Argentinean woman working to increase abortion access in South America. So we threw a dinner party for them and a couple others — all people from around the world who recently moved to Mexico City. Two of them even joined me for the Interpol concert the next day, and we had a blast! Making connections with new people when I travel is always the most rewarding part, the part that opens up my world, teaches me the most about the way others live their lives and gives me new ideas for how I could live mine, too.
I do make new friends in the states occasionally. Funny enough, in my 20s I met 1/2 of the band Ratatat, also while eating alone at a restaurant’s bar, this time in Brooklyn. I’m friendly, and I guess musicians love eating at restaurant bars! But sparking up new friendships isn’t my instinct at home in the same way it is when I travel.
Why not? Why is it my instinct to make friends traveling, but in LA I’m less likely to expand my world? Because we’re all settled into our lives when we’re at home, the idea of meeting a stranger and then going on friend dates with them sounds anxiety producing and… well, just sorta weird, no?
There is no reason that needs to be true. That is judgment and fear creeping in. I want a life of abundance! I want to be constantly making my life bigger, not smaller. I do not want to a life where I make niceties with strangers and only text the same 8 people until I die (I’m roasting myself there, not you).
When I’m back home, I want to take the freedom, openness and warmth I feel traveling and integrate it deliberately into my daily interactions. I want to do more alone — see movies, eat dinner, read at a cafe. No, I’m not expecting everybody I meet at a restaurant bar to genuinely become a friend, but I’m going to see that as an option.
3. Live out your values.
I stressed out deciding whether to book this trip, because it felt irresponsible to spend the money. I’m developing a feature and not in a writer’s room, so I don’t have a regular paycheck.
Three days after arriving, I couldn’t believe I spent so long justifying the trip: Would I really be on my deathbed missing some money? No. I’d instead be grateful I splurged for the magical week exploring Mexico City that helped me grow as a person, even if it resulted in a an upset stomach and a runny nose.
Of course, not everybody even has savings and it’s a privilege to be able to spend money on vacations. This whole thing might be a nightmare to read if you’re in that position — stop now!!!
I am lucky enough to have a little bit of savings, however, and that is my money to spend or save. And I would rather live my values than speak of them. What do I mean by that?
I often say that traveling is what’s most important to me and that I want a life that allows me to constantly travel. But I haven’t been doing that much of it recently — getting a puppy will do that to you! The last time I left the country was for Costa Rica in August 2021 (which was my first trip since 2019). To an average person that’s very recent, but for somebody who considers traveling one of their top priorities, it’s actually a pretty long time!
I’ve been addicted to traveling since I spent a summer in Ghana when I was 16. I spent my youth applying for grants and fellowships to travel overseas, which took me to Peru, India, and Prague. Then, I didn’t leave the country for 9 years in my 20s while I was broke and pursuing my career. I started traveling again during my first hiatus from The Morning Show, a month in Bali alone, a week in Colombia with friends.
Then COVID hit. Traveling wasn’t an option, so I started saving my money with the dream of buying a house. That became the new goal. It felt hard to spend money on anything else.
Traveling here was a good opportunity to step away and ask myself why I want to buy a house. Why do I value this? Yes, it would be a great investment, but it’s mostly because of external factors: It’s important to my family, having a house would make me feel successful, my friends are starting to buy houses. None of my reasons relate back to a core value I have, like setting roots down or investing my money. Those things are important to me, but they’re not how I intend to arrange my life.
However, traveling is and has always been a core value of mine. Traveling is how I want to arrange my life. Clearly, I should spend my money on travel. It is much easier to make decisions when you think of them in this way! Now, when I’m faced with indecision, I will ask myself: Which option is more in line with my own personal value system? Happiness can only come from a life where yours actions are in line with your beliefs.
What do you value most? How can you spend more time making sure that is how you’re spending your time and money? How can you reprioritize your life?
Of course, part of the magic of traveling is that you’re constantly experiencing new things, which forces you to be present. You’re stepping out of your routine and out of your insular world, and there are lots of ways to do this without leaving the country. Simply breaking out of your routine, taking a day trip, going to a movie alone, or dedicating some time to meditation might help force you into the present moment and break away from the monotony of your daily thoughts. No matter what adventure looks like to you, I hope this sparks you to plan one of your own soon.
Xo,
Ali
News:
10 more days of early bird pricing for the Italy retreat! There are just three spots left, get em while they’re still discounted. I’m very excited about the writing part, but equally excited to visit the Tuscan hot springs:
I’m teaching a new Script Anatomy class June 21-July 19! This one is focused on taking an existing pilot outline (or fleshed out idea) to draft. Comedy, dramas, and spec ideas are all welcome. You will finish the class with a solid first draft of a pilot!
Wonderful read, thank you for sharing, and I SO look forward to the days I can travel again.